Patiently waiting our turn, Josh and I engaged in casual conversation that revolved around skateboarding, motorcycling and visiting the beach. After about 15 minutes, the hairdresser called out Josh’s name. He climbed up into the big black chair and sheepishly smiled as the hair dresser ran her fingers through his long scraggly hair. She then turned to me, and called out, “What would you like done today sir?”
My mind quickly envisioned clippers and a number 3 guide, but I resisted and said, “Well, it’s Josh’s hair, let’s ask him.” So I turned my eyes to Josh who was looking anxiously at me, and said, “Well Josh, this is your day, it’s your hair, why don’t you tell this fine young lady what you would like done.”
His eyes lit up, smile broadened, and he began to speak. Slowly and quietly at first he spoke, almost testing to see if she was open to what he was saying. As he spoke his confidence grew and he became more animated and added hand gestures to his description, showing exactly what he had in mind. Over the sounds of other hairdressers clipping and cutting I heard this kind voice speak up and say, “That’s the kind of haircut I’d like, if it’s ok.” The hairdresser, glanced to me for affirmation, I nodded and smiled.
I sat back watching my little man receive this haircut and I couldn’t help but think, “Today, he is maturing just a little bit more.” His bright eyes intently watched the mirror as the hairdresser worked her magic and when completed, quickly jumped down and with a smile upon his face proudly walked over and asked, “What do you think Dad?”
As I spoke the words, “Son, I think you look great!” I realized it wasn’t just the hair I was referring to, there was more that I was seeing. I was recognizing the growth my son had just taken, and this was another step in his personal growth. In that moment I realized I was proud to be his Daddy.
Adding value to our children can be as simple as relating to them as responsible, worthy of respect, capable, and important. There are many simple ways in which we can communicate these four things to our children during the regular routines of our lives.
It may be as simple as . . .
- allowing them to speak for themselves when asked a question, as opposed to answering for them.
- giving them our undivided attention when they are speaking, as opposed to trying to continue working while they are trying to share what’s on their minds.
- getting down to their level and looking them in the eye when they want to talk with us, as opposed to remaining standing, towering above them while looking down upon them. Stooping to their level and looking them in the eye has a unique way of connecting with them relationally.
- giving them permission to make some simple decisions and grow in their ability to do so, as opposed to making their decisions for them.
In what ways do you think you could communicate your child’s value in the regular routines of life?
Until next time,
Enjoy your journey into Pro-Active Parent Coaching
Your friend and pro-active parent coach
Greg