Many days present some form of challenge, however, there are days, like today, that are good, very good.
The fog of Alzheimer’s seemed to lift just enough for her eyes to brighten and memory to come alive. Today, she called me Greg. We sat together in the living room, sun beaming through the windows as mom sat in her recliner and I on the couch. For a few moments time seemed to be lost.
I asked her what her fondest childhood memory was and that sparked a long conversation about her childhood home, how she Uncle Bob, Bud, and Aunt Bett would run through the fields, play and explore. Interestingly, her voice animated just a little more when she talked of Gramper (her father) planting the garden and she got to put her hands into the soil and get dirty. They planted beans, and carrots, and many other things that Granny (her mother) would can. I didn’t rush this moment, but let her live there in the moment describing what she could and talking as long as she wanted. Her memories were like old photographs— slightly faded, but filled with a unique familiar warmth. For those brief moments we were just mother and son, sitting in the living room reminiscing about the “good ol’ days,”
Yes, today was a good day. A day I will carry with me and hold onto when the other ‘not so good’ days return.
Some of my takeaways from a good day with mom.
1. Be Fully Present
Don’t rush the moment. Lay aside distractions and just enjoy the time together. Let the conversation flow, and listen well. You might be surprised at what this does within them.
2. Let Them Lead the Memory Lane
When they remember, follow their lead with curiosity and warmth. Ask curious questions and let them respond. You might find some delightful conversation through this time.
3. Celebrate the Good, Gently Let Go of the Hard
I know as well as you do that not every day will be like this one— that fact does not decrease the beauty you experienced today. Hold onto this memory and recall it when the going gets tough.
4. Adjust Expectations with Compassion
A good day reminds you of who they still are—not who they used to be. Appreciate the clarity of the moment, but resist the temptation to expect it daily. Meet them everyday, wherever they are, with kindness.
5. Love Doesn’t Depend on Memory
Even if they forget your name tomorrow, the love you shared today and in the past is real.
A good day reminds us: Alzheimer’s may steal many things from your loved on and you, but it cannot erase the capacity for love, connection, and joy. In some ways, you may find it actually deepens your capacity. So, when these moments come, hold them close—and let them foster within you greater grace and compassion.
Gregory Bland